I have arrived to a week since the last doctor appointment & diagnosis... Mood-wise, I have been really up & down lately. I think it's mostly because I tend to surf the internet when I'm bored or trying to pass the time. About every other day, I read happy stories, then back to horror stories.
Since the BO diagnosis, I have started having crazy dreams. The first one was a nightmare - it was about miscarrying. A few have been strange ones... like Josh hanging out with very old friends, doing cocaine, and acting angry. A few of the last few dreams have been pretty pleasant. This morning I dreamt I was going out on a run. Now that I think of it, it was pretty boring. But I remember waking up to my alarm clock, smiling. I think the dream just made me feel good while it was happening. I never just go on a spontaneous run... so I have no clue why something like that put me in a good mood. It's so strange.
I also started getting some mild pregnancy symptoms back. I would feel a slight bit of nausea.... as if I'm going to be sick, but I don't actually throw up or gag. Brushing my teeth would sometimes initiate the feeling. I got this symptom back yesterday... it's been 5 days since I've felt this way. I also woke up today with some breast/nipple tenderness. Not a whole lot, but enough to notice. I always feel tired & exhausted. I could sleep all damn day if you let me... so that's nothing new. I also feel bloated, and I even feel like I'm showing a little. Now, I don't know if it's just my optimisim taking over, or what? But, it helps me feel a little glimmer of hope.
Since I have a couple of pregnancy apps, I decided to join a few birth clubs & a December Facebook Page from the same birth club forum. Everyday I read of another one miscarrying. And, a few others (who are as far along as I am) have actually seen their baby after being in limbo, too. Two women in particular waited two weeks, just like I am, and turns out they ovulated late! I cried for them! After reading all of these stories - good & bad - I decided to bite the bullet & order an at home fetal doppler. I was hoping it would have arrived today, but it hasn't yet. I thought that even if this really is lost, having the doppler would help for the future. Just so I'm not freaking out all of the time. I know it's possible that it's too early to hear anything on an at home doppler, but I thought I'd try anyway. Some women have heard it as early as 7 weeks with the brand I got... so I'm excited to check it out.
Again, I'm feeling really good. No bleeding at all - not even spotting. So, I've made it to a week. One more week to go!