Dilemma: Do my children have the right to see their grandmother?

Dilemma: Do my children have the right to see their grandmother?

How nice it is when your children have a good relationship with their grandparents and vice versa. The people who made you and the people you have made together, there is not much more beautiful to think of. Unfortunately it does not always work like in the movies.

Miss L. sent us her story:

My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship. I will not go into details for privacy reasons, but let's keep it in mind that I didn't feel very loved in my youth. My mother did her best, but it was not enough. I thought I had made peace with everything in my past, but motherhood has made everything more complicated for me than I had thought.

Pregnancy
During my pregnancies I noticed that I regretted that I did not have a typical, uncomplicated mother-daughter relationship. She was - by no means - the first with whom I shared the good news, was not in my whatsapp group that I filled with spam and baby news and was not at my babyshower. Moreover, there was not a hair on my head that was thinking about asking her to be at the birth! We seen each other three times during pregnancy, where she commented each time on the way I looked ("Your belly is too small, you have to eat more" and "Your stomach is too big, I think you must eat too much"). ). I had seen it.

Disappointment
When my children were small, it struck me that they did not have a sweet, warm grandmother to cuddle them and buy too many toys for them. We saw her sometimes, but I always felt disappointed when I went back to my own home with children in the car seats.

My mother is very negative in life and always finds something to complain about and to be unhappy. I just do not like to expose my children to that. Life is not always fun and they know that, but my mother has a negative effect on everyone and I want to protect them from that. Now that they are getting bigger, they ask about her regularly. They also notice that they have much less contact with my mother than with their other grandfathers and other grandmother.

Dilemma
I am now faced with a dilemma. Am I going to invest in the bond with my mother for the sake of my children? To what extent do they have the right to really get to know her and build a bond with her? Or do I indeed do well to protect them from the disappointment and negativity that my mother brings with him?

What would you do in my situation?

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