A brother or sister
A new member of the family can be a major upheaval, not only for parents but also for older siblings. It can be a frightening and confusing time for your child when they find out a new baby is on the way. While a new brother or sister is a wonderful gift to give your child, it may take time before they realise this.
It is normal that older children feel jealousy and in some cases will even act aggressively towards parents, the new baby or even to your growing tummy before baby is born. Children have difficulty expressing their fears and emotions and this can result in them making harsh statements, such as "I do not want a brother, I want him to die". Keep in mind that your little one never literally means what it says at that moment. They are simply trying to defend their place within the family. Obviously, while these outbursts are difficult for parents to hear, you should realise this is just a reaction to this new situation your child finds itself in and should not be taken literally.
Pregnant women also sometimes wonder if they will love their next child as much as they love the others. These are also normal feelings that many pregnant women experience. Deep inside, they know that they will love both children equally. Love for children does not get divided, but time does.
Preparations
The best thing to do is ensure your children are involved in the pregnancy from the beginning. While it is difficult to prepare them for something which is not here yet, there are simple steps you can take to prepare your child for the new arrival. Follow their direction, answer their questions and make them feel part of the experience.
- When you go for a scan ask the midwife if your child can come along. Seeing the baby on the ultrasound scan, listening to it's heartbeat may not only reassure them but fill them with a sense of wonder and excitement. Ask if they want their own photograph of the scan which they can show to friends and look at when they feel unsure or confused.
- Take your child with you when you shop for baby and let them choose something for the baby and for themselves
- Perhaps you can talk with them about names and let them suggest some of their own for their new brother or sister.
- There are a number of books available which can help prepare your child for this new baby. Examples include:
- - A baby coming, by William and Martha Sears
- - Waiting for baby & You and me, by Rachel Fuller
- - The new baby, by Lie Dirckx
- - Topsy and Tim, the new baby, by Gene and Gareth Adamson
A few tips for after birth
- When friends and family visit the new baby, ask them to bring a small gift for your other children too.
- If the visitor is cuddling with baby, you can cuddle with the siblings, so that they know that they too still belong.
- Do not rush them into playing nice with the new baby. It may take time for them to see them as playmates or friends.
- Involve older children in taking care of the baby. Let them help with changing a diaper or when baby is being bathed.
- It is great for the oldest when there are occasional private moments with you. Make time to play just with him, and get him a little reward to show how proud you are that he's helping with baby.
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